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[07 Sep 2005|09:56pm]
hello journal long time indeed.
Sooo much haz happened. I'm at some internet cafe there are a lot of strange people around here. Oh...I'm in Michigan now.
New York died. Max acutually died od. bummer huh? well he had it coming he really was an ass deep down inside no pun...last i knew of fawn she was in a psych ward. Trix far gone but her and Drew look after each other. Drew has become a little whore bj's and rim jobs for anything strong.
I really learned a lot. Feel's like a life time ago. So here I am to pollute MI.
There's a homless shelted I'm staying at here. There are some cool people here. Jeff and Tamara, brother and sister run away's they are 17 and 19.
I'm working on getting a job and thinking about writing the family. maybe even nick, i miss him sort of. well not him just the love part.
That Katrina shit is crazy ass man. I feel kind of selfish and bad for being the way i am and these people want their family and need money. i gots myself a family and money but i don't want them. i don't know what i want. i want to find myself but so far i haven't had any luck.
Oh! I was in a rehab center for a a month on a off. i sneaked a little shit here and there fuck me i'm never doing shit again.
I think I'll go to Indiana for the winter MI is fucking cold as all shit.
I met a goddess Diana (ironic yes) she is bald and has tats all over and plugs and a bar in her nose and a tongue ring god she is divine! and great in bed! oddly enough she isn't kinky. she's a romantic rose bud tender and soft god it's great but i miss men. i want a man in me again.
shit what else is there to say. i'm just wasiting away. clubs, concerts, sex, living on the streets. it's kind of a sad life. I think I might want to be that house wife and have kids...
i think i'm too fucked up for that.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[30 Jan 2005|03:47pm]
i said no to him. there was no point in getting married just hormones lol. i know i broke the poor mans heart but im not ready for that kind of shit. so New York! its crazy. the first night i was there a pimp came up to me asking for me to work the streets for him! jesus! i mean i was appaled and said no leaving very very quickly but i was secretly flatterd. i spent the first three nights with this girl Sarah who goes to college in her dorm she was nice...but really boring...her idea of fun was playing canasta and baking cookies she was like a 80 yr old in a 24 yr olds body.
the night i left Sarahs i was hanging out in central park and these hippie people were kickn it and i wond up staying in their van for the next four days. but they were to lovey dovy peace fuck war for me. so i left them...its so fucking wierd how i always found a place to stay.

i went to this club which will be remaine unamed because they let me in and im under age :-p
but it was crazy! i felt like i was thrown into the 80's there were people, men in drag and like crazy drag stuff like ... party monster stuff and everyone was tripping and dacing it was crazy! i was dancing and having a good time when i was pulled aside by one of the club people and i freaked out! cause i thought i was going to be in trubble but this guy. Max wanted to see me he was in this 'vip' room and there were other people to some of them were on E and others doing lines of coke it was just way to wierd. this Max guy was sitting on a red velvet couch and there was a red haired girl hanging on him she was wearing pvc dress that was black and glittery. he had pleather pants on and a tight blue see threw shirt his hair was a wig a strange wormy looking green wig and he had very feminie make up on.

i felt so underdressed i just had some old jeans on a fishnet shirt on and a leather jacket. i kinda looked like gutter punk or whatever he called me. yeah ha he called me a gutter punk. he invited me over to sit with him and the red head looked extreamly mad when i sat down next to him seanking into the couch. so yeah heres how the little convo went.
"whats a little gutter punk doing here?"
"i'm not punk."
he laughed at me and the red head laughed with him, one of those forced laughs just to suck up to him.
"my name is Max, you should feel very lucky to be here with me."
"i'll make a note of that."
he liked to laugh i guess cause he laughed at me again.
"your so precious, i'll make you my pixie"
"my names Blithe."
"Blithe!" he yelled and the red head jumped up off of him. "i love it!"
"thank you..."
"this is fawn, shes a devilish girl." he rubbed her and swong his legs in the air crossing them. "come home with me darling, i want you to be my pixie pet Blithe."
and well yeah...thats kind of how i got caught up in were i am now. there were three other people living with him Trix she wow...always on something and talking like shes some kind of jedi person...fawn who i swear has it out for me and Drew he is like this sad little boy my age 18 and he looks to Max like his idol mimiking everything he does and is inlove with Fawn.
He really did turn me into a Pixie i carry around little bags of coke and sprinkle it out for him.
i kinda feel like his bitch i carry around his make up and coke but he doesnt treat me like one.
he treats me like a friend like a china doll he never yells at me or hits me but he does that to fawn all the time. but shes crazy i swear shes going to kill me.
like two days ago friday? yeah yeah friday Max had left the room to use the little girls room Trix was so far gone she didnt even know we were there and Drew...i don't know where we was but Fawn turned to me and stared me in the eye and said, and i quote.
"if you touch him i will eat those pretty little eyes of yours."
i am actually kind of scared now so i have my knife with me always. i beleive her she would do.
untill next time. this is Pixie B signing out.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[30 Dec 2004|01:02pm]
[ mood | worried ]

i'm starting to think i should just kill myself.
i mean i really have no life. i'm a rich kid who works at the local funeral home as a secratury...i have a boy friend who is 23, Nick. i don't really see my life going anywhere cause i don't want to be a house wife and i don't know what i want.
so maybe it would be easyer to just kill myself so i wont have to worry about the feuture. i like to live in the now. and now is meaningless and boring...
I'm going to New York. i'm not telling anyone tomorrow i'm leaving on a plane and find someone to live with. i think i have a third cousin over there i have to check...
oh yeah...Nick proposed to me.
i said i'd think about it.
i'll think about it in New York.

Are You Ready To ROCK!

I think I'm in love. [13 Nov 2004|01:41pm]
[ mood | loved ]

i can't belive this happend last night i was at Nicks and Willem was over, now he is really hot ...ok i have strange taset in me so he might seem ugly or creepy to all of you. so heres a quick discription of him
6'7 short dark brown hair green eyes really thin. not much to go on but so...when Nick left to go use the bathroom see Willem was drinking a bit and he leaned over onto me grabing me all over and started kissing me, hes kinda strong so it was hard for me to push him off. he had me right under him and i was trying to push him off not only with my hands but legs aswell it was really sceary and when Nick came back into the room it was really sceary he just pulled Willem off of me and through him up against the wall and started to beat him in the face. of course i started screaming for Nick to stop and was huddeld into the corner of the couch. he didn't ask me what had happend he knew Willem was forcing himself on me anyone could have seen that, but he stopped and Willem stumbed out of the house running for his car. Nick was furriated and just stood there for a moment with his hand over his forhead looking down. then he came over and sat down next to me. like i said he didn't ask what happend, but i told him anyway then he said it would never happen again and wrapped his arms around me and held me for the longest time i felt so safe right there and then, i fell asleep in his arms we feel asleep together i came home around noon.

Are You Ready To ROCK!

[12 Nov 2004|06:58pm]
well, i've worked my ass off at school! and im done! im out! free! i've officaly graduated from High school and now i'm just doing whatever...its been a really long time since i've writen in here. well heres how it all goes. its unbeliveable my life is like badly writen tv show. so my mom left my dad for some nuvo (sp?) rich british man, basicly new money stocks and bonds and shes pregnet. my dad sued her for sposal support and child support. she still sends me things i just throw them out or burn them. i don't want anything from her she abandoned our family...good news! there is the yummyest man who lives a few houses down from us hes 23 and im 17 i don't care hes is just so scrumptious we can't keep our hands off each other and we have the most stimulating philisophical conversations. now i know its strange were 5 yrs appart and im techniquly still a "kid" by law and psychologists would say that he is not fully mentaly there or what not cause hes going with a "kid" but hes wonderful he treats me like a human being cares about me for me. he has the bluest eyes and strawberry blonde hair that comes down to his ears and mmmm everything about him hes like an old soul, he says im an Indigo kid which is crazy you would never peg him as an astro guy, he doesn't do drugs..and hes got me clean. if my dad knew what was going on he would go over there and castrate Nick, oh yeah his name is Nick. i think i'll tell how we met :) :
i was in town at the small run down book store owned by this really old man...he always looks like hes glued to his stool...but anywho out of the blue as i reached for Friedrich Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra his hand came up lightly over mine. we both pulled back and in a flash of his grey suit that made his eyes sparkel like dimonds i almost mealted from lust and embarestment. he said "I'm sorry." then took down the book and handed it to me. i said thankyou and then got the book...then i saw him again at a starbucks he was sitting at a table drinking a chi tea! the same drink i orderd, my favorite tea! well that and earl grey but heh he is just so beautiful, then i would see him more and more at the book store and more and more at starbucks i don't normaly go there but i did just to see him. one day when we were in the book store ::sigh:: he was in the art section looking at picaso i said Hi and he said Hello and then we just started to talk about Picaso and modernism and then we got into the French Rev. and it just spiraled into us going not the starbucks but a samll cafe around the block from the book store i didn't even know about i got a chi tea and he got a cup of black coffie we just talked and talked. he gave me his number and i gave him mine and we just kept meeting there at that same table and talked for hours eventually we figured out we lived on the same street and one day, yes i know the stupid thing to do he could have been a rapist or a serial killer but i was willing to take that chance he has such a beautiful soul, so anyway one day i go to his house and then it just progressed and now we have this wonderful relationship, get this i really feel like im in a book or a movie but he inharited all his money! what he does is he sells art! and he paints granted its no picaso but its dark colors and light happy images. i seem to have dropped my druged out frineds and blended in with his. they are all in the 20's ones in his 30's. Vivian is in realstate,Tom owns a pet store how sad and cute is that,Babe (i can't belive someone would name there kid that)is a teacher 5th grade, and Willem the eldest of them all hes edits books. they were ok with us going together they didn't object although i must admite Vivian seemed jellous...that worried me but she wouldn't do anything.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[03 Jun 2004|08:03pm]
[ mood | horny ]

well were settled in but not...mom didnt show up like she said she would big surpize well..lets see i have a nice veiw of a whole bunch of redwoods! hmm oh yeah and the guy on the plane..im such a slut we made out in the bathroom heh. im in love with my vibrator right now its the only thing constant in my life right now...untill the batteries wear out...*sigh* i set fire to my boxes after i made a fort out of them in the back yard wich is ...god i don't know how big but its so big that there isnt a fence im glade no one saw me they would have probly thought "great a crazy chick is moving in."
yea life is weird now.

Are You Ready To ROCK!

overwhelmed and flirty [22 May 2004|01:25pm]
were on the plain now im using my laptop and dads had one to many glasses of champaing. its really freaking me out how fast were all going it was just yesterday i was in Michigan 1 person died 2 grandparents died and 2 others left me its just i cant belive it its just all so fast and mom will be at our new "home" in a week from now. on the plus side theres a really hot guy sitting one row over from me and keeps checking me out. ;) hes well built with long blonde hair and is all boho'd out (bohemian) looking hehehe.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[20 May 2004|04:00pm]
...so...i picked out a place its 4.bed 5bath...cute little white house ...blah! i dont want to go to fucking minnisota! fucking christ!
..besides looking for houses all day i had to relive myself with the wonder that is masterbation. also..i just cut my hair off and dyed it red..i feel like shiryl manson right now but not.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[16 May 2004|12:34pm]
so my shit is packed up and mom is back from Australia and is now in CA sanfransico doing all this shit you know cause my grandparents kicked it.
i feel so evil and cold saying that but i didnt know them i never saw them well i mean when i was a baby but i dont rememeber that shit.
Dad says were moving to Minisoda cause his parent live there...great.
well yeah just packing and nothing important i havent seen my mom in 3 months jesus and my dad wants me to pick out the house were moving into.
WTF is wrong with these people i mean they shouldnt have had me
they should not have been alowed to breed.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[14 May 2004|06:29pm]
LISTIN TO THIS! not 2 sec after i just wrought all that...dad comes up the stair telling me were not moving to Ca. but were moving to Minisoda! oh my god! MINISODA!....i dont know what the hell to think man...i dont fucking know i just wanna kill myself.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

Greg Pat and Cherry.. [14 May 2004|06:18pm]
its been a long time since i've writin in here alot has happend i cant belive it well one night i went to this party/rave with Greg Pat and Cherry everything was fine you know but Greg and Pat were totaly waisted and Cherry was on E i was the only sober one there and so i drove us all home...we got into a car accident im not blameing anyone i was the one driving but Cherry thought it would be a good idea to cover my eyes and when i yelled at her she freaked and grabed the wheel. the car totaled into a brick wall and i dont know why the fuck it happend i dont know it just happend so fast wen i came to i had blood all over my face Greg and Cherry were thrown out of the car and Pat was in the back of the car.
i had glass in my forhead and so i was bleeding Pat broke his right leg
Greg was fine! but Cherry ... she was dead i dont know they wouldnt tell me what happend and shit god it was insane. i called 911 and yea...at this time mom was in Austaillia and Dad was in Florida. but so yeah...were moving now i cant leave the house anymore i've been locked up just reading and painting there was a funeral and stuff its just wow it hurts but not at the same time. Greg and Pat try calling for a while but Pat took it real bad and hes been emited into a psych ward. Greg is gone he took off to New York and im just here all alone. were in the proccese of moving were going to California Winters or yeah winters some small ass town but yeah i dont know man its just weird as hell i just cant belive this all happend.
life is insane and now mom is back in Japan but shes hired movers and Dad is back helping with packing and shit were moving into some house near a drug store mom said i'd be home skooled and shit whatever.
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[10 Apr 2004|03:25pm]
so my parents spent 2 weeks insted of one in Japan. which was good but as a "im sorry baby" thing my mom sent me a satin dress its real nice though i have to admit its red with golden embroiderd flowers its nice but still they cant keep leaving and sending me all this shit its just material crap.
my grandmother died which is no biggy i mean i didnt even know her and then two days later how stupid my grandfather kicked it so now i don't know if mom knows yet but shes gota take care of everything my aunt is a crack whore she lives in NY. and well its not like she can take care of the reastate.
my grandparents lived in this huge ass house in San Fransisco, i think they were millionairs so that means cha-ching for us...which is bull cause we have to much money as it is and i don't quite appriciate it i mean money is nice but its just so i dont know my parents try and spoon feed me with material shit and give me money which i always give to homelss ppl or donate to charitys you know? i don't need the money and if i need money i want to earn it myself i'd get a job sure i mean i use there money to buy cloths and cds and shit..but i mean they are my parents it is our money its just oh how i loath the conspet of money and how it courrupts ppl.
don't get me wrong i do appriciate haveing it, i don't know what it is like to live on the streets and starve and shit like that im glade i don't but i cant help but resent my family for being rich fuckers who take everything for granted. i would rather be poor and have a family that is close and loves one another that actually takes time to say hey kid i love u. id rather have that then it be here Blithe have this fur coat from France, i love u. its sick and sad that they think they can buy my affections w/ shit like that but i love them as humans but not as parents i dont think i can remember the last time one of them huged me or said i love u. its sad yes yes poor little rich girl. money isnt everything but at lest when they crok i get all there shit. and if i have a family im gunna be good i'll love my kids if i travle there comeing w/ me i wont spend the money on trival things i'll help school and cancer resrch thingys...you know?
life is so funny...
Are You Ready To ROCK!

[21 Mar 2004|03:48pm]
[ mood | loved ]

today was odd for the past week i've been hanging out with these hippy people
Greg Pat and Cherry, yes like the fruit lol shes awsome she has whild blue dread locks gregs got a wild beard w/ beads in em Pat hes a normal looking guy but shit hes a total psycho i love them. well anywho i went to this party with them and it was insane ppl on acid and coco. shit im 17 and there in there 20's i know i could have been in so much shit if the fuzz came and busted all of use but it was blast i didnt do anything but watching everyone it was great i was the desinated driver for the night.
after the party so it was bout 2.am we all crashed at Gregs.
parents are gone for the week there in Japan yay for them...i hope they get a desiez and leave for good. no non of the badnes!
we all crashed on the living room floor and when i woke up candy was ontop of me and greg and pat were curlled up against us! lol it was so funny.
Pat made us breskfast...ok ok so it was cerial but still he did a good job got the milk in the bowl :-P .
so just chilling with these awesome people and i love how they dont presure me to drink or do drugs. i feel like i have a real family Cherry and I are like sisters and Greg and Pat r like my older brothers i feel so happy right now ::sigh:: life is so good right now.

Are You Ready To ROCK!

[03 Mar 2004|12:47am]
[ mood | creative ]

Alright well i don't know what to write in here or quite what to do with this thing but yeah its here i'll write in it every so offtend more likly not maybe once a month i just don't have much to talk about my life is boring and plain..

Are You Ready To ROCK!

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